Pregnancy Blues....

One of the things my midwife talks to me about alot regarding my hyperemesis is not getting depressed. Women who have had hyperemesis tend to get depressed because you feel like all of the sudden you are a completely different person. I was thinking two months before I got pregnant I ran my first 10k and recently it feels like my body is to weak to even walk from one end of the house to the other! I have had my moments where I have cried alot, thank goodness my husband is always there to give me an extra big hug and reassure me that it will get better.

So this morning I wanted to find the blessings that are hidden within this sickness and I was surprised at what I came up with!

When I was pregnant with Riley, I had a full time job. My midwives put me on disability from 7 weeks until I delivered Riley. This time at home allowed me to really enjoy my pregnancy. DJ was at school all day so I really had a lot of soul searching time. I wrote in a journal to Riley from the day I knew I was pregnant and I still write to her. I just want her to beable to see how much I love her through my words. As I got better, I was able to go to more school functions of Dj's and even volunteer for some things he had going on.

This pregnancy since I am home so much I feel like Riley and I have really bonded these past couple of months. We spend time reading lots of books, dancing together ( when I don't feel so sick!) coloring together, I am slowly teaching her how to do things around the house. Sometimes I love to sit here and watch her play. It's the cutest thing! She has the kindest heart and I can't wait to see her grow!

Being so sick, I have had to rely on so many other people. This has caused me to work on my "control" issues. Now I am appreciative of ANYTHING my husband does, even if it's not how I wanted it.

My husband and I have gotten alot closer. I didn't think this was possible. I believe we have a pretty great relationship. I have fallen deeper in love with my husband and I just adore him. Sometimes when our spouse is continually sick we can get resentful or annoyed but my husband is willing to do whatever I need. He reminds me everyday that I am doing the most amazing thing, I am carrying our child. Sometimes I don't think I deserve such a great husband and God reminds me that I do! I cannot wait to have many more memories with him.

Lastly, I am reminded of how much God loves me. He has blessed our family so that I can stay home and not have to worry about a paycheck. I can just be home and worry about getting better. God has continiously shown us he great love for us!

To the Sweetest Little Girl I Know

From the time we knew we were pregnant with Riley we always talked about her as if she was already in our arms.

I remember the midwife telling me to reach down and pull her out. Say what, you want me to pull her out?!?! I reached down and pulled up the little girl who would change my life forever. Riley and I will always have something special between us, she made me a MOMMY. She made all my dreams come true. When I dreamt of being a mom I never thought I would have the most overwhelming sense of love for this little one. It is a feeling that I cannot describe but I feel it every time I look at her.

She is such a lover. Her new thing is to come up to Jim and I and hug and kiss us. This morning she was pulling my hair and I looked down and she was trying to reach her lips to mine so she could give me a kiss. She loves to cuddle and rub our backs. When Jim is home, she is a daddy's girl, but as soon as he walks out the door she's ALL MINE!

Riley, I cannot imagine my life without you. You have changed me forever. You brought the deepest joy to my life, you gave me meaning and hope for the future! I love you little girl.

My little Munchkin

Yesterday was such a special day for my husband and I. We finally got to have a sneek peak of what our little one looks like. He/she is about 1 1/2 inches right now and growing perfectly. I am always amazed at what you can see from an ultrasound. We could see the hands, feet and even make out that babies little toes.

This ultrasound was also to check if we had one...or two! I have to admit, I am relieved that there is just one. But twins would have been exciting too! Unless God has other plans for us, I think this will be our last pregnancy. The pregnancies are just so hard on my body that I am not sure I could do it again. But then again, we have made plans before and God has other ones for us! =)

I can't wait to meet this little one. I am beyond excited! One more week and I will be out of my first trimester and hopefully start feeling better. I just really don't want any more trips to the hospital until I am actually in LABOR!

A Great Thanksgiving!

I just realized it has been forever since I last blogged. We went down to Brea, CA for Thanksgiving because my sister in law was due that week with her first baby. To make a long story short, she was a rockstar during the labor and Grace Elizabeth was born. My sweet little niece that I can't wait to see grow up. When I found out it was a girl I had visions of Riley and her running around together with their other cousins. I am so excited for the many memories they will have together.

So I am alittle over 10 weeks preggers with baby #2 and my hyperemesis really came into full force this week. So much that yesterday I ended up in the hospital with dehydration. After a couple IV's of fluid and my liquid (gold) Zofran, I was feeling somewhat normal. But as soon as they took the fluids out I started throwing up again. I was pretty discouraged and even more discouraged when the nurse couldn't find the heart beat. But rest assured, we went to the midwife today and heart that sweet sound of our babies heart beating away. We both cried and then we cried even more when our midwife said the "T" word. She wants to check for twins! Ummm...you said what? There are a couple of reasons why she wants to check for twins, this time my nausea is more violent, I am more tired, hungry, dehydrated, etc. And also the fact that my tummy got bigger faster this time. I really think we just have one little pumpkin but it would be nice to know sooner than later! When I told my stepson DJ we MIGHT have twins he said, "What are we going to do about this?" I laughed so hard, he is such a little man.

Anyway, more news to come later. I am praying to feel better by Christmas, that's not to much to ask right?

Happy Birthday Hubby!!!!

Today is my husbands birthday! I cannot tell you how much I LOVE THIS MAN!!

My love grows for him everyday and I really mean that. Being sick and pregnant there are a lot of things that I can't do right now. Jim has been so selfless, always taking care of what I need first.

We started dating when I was 18, which seems like so long ago! We have definately gone through our ups and downs but Jim has always been solid. He loves God and has always been the strong one in our relationship. He is everything to our kids that I didn't have as a child, this means the world to me.

He is very compassionate, loving, only talks when he REALLY has something to say and slow to anger. He is good at all the things I am not, which makes us a pretty good pair.

Whenever I need something handy done around the house, he is my man! There is nothing that he is not willing to try once. I LOVE this about him!

He is the smartest person I know. He started at a teller at the bank and has worked up to a V.P. and manager of his department. I am so proud of him and even prouder to call him my husband.

I love you Jim! You are a great daddy and an even better husband! Happy Birthday!

Family of 4 will soon become 5!!!

We are so excited to announce our new little bundle will be arriving in June 2010!! It was the Saturday before Halloween about 6:30am and Riley and I were cuddling on the couch. She leaned over, rubbed my tummy and said, "Mommy, baby tummy." I have to admit, I was a little offended! But Sunday something prompted me to take the test and positive it was!

It has been hard keeping it a secret (sort of) for this long. My pregnancies are a little hard to hide. With Riley I had hyperemisis which is when you have uncontrollable nausea and vomitting in pregnancy. The best way I can describe it is having stomach flu for months! We did a lot of praying about this pregnancy that things would be different. At 6 weeks, I wasn't feeling sick at all and I thought I was in the clear but boy was I wrong!!!! Lets just say, I have gotten to know our toilet pretty well! The nausea is so intense that I take a medication that is typically given to cancer patients after chemo!

On a lighter note, I actually left the house for a Costco trip with the family today and didn't get sick! I really hate throwing up in public places so I actually will try to make it to the car and throw up in a bag! TMI I know, but I have to do what I am comfortable with you know?

Anyway, we are beyond joyed to be blessed with another little munchkin this coming summer. I can't believe that I will have three kids at 26 years old! I bought two and got one free and I wouldn't have it any other way. I cannot believe that Riley is going to be a big sister! We are going to have to work on the whole sharing thing for the next 7 months.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving! We have so much to be thankful for in the Merrill household!

*In the picture I was 29 weeks pregnant with Riley

Remembering.....

Do you have someone in your life who passed away and every time you think about them your eyes well up with tears? This is how I feel every time I think about my Grandpa. A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with his second round of prostate cancer. He had battled and conquered it over 10 years before he died. I remember calling him when we found out we were pregnant with Riley. He was so overjoyed. I could hear it in his voice. He remarried a wonderful Christian woman after my grandma died. You see, he never wanted to be alone. He rode motorcycles, traveled, golfed, etc. He was very active and lived life to the fullest, literally! He did everything big!

Jim and I would go down to visit him in Palm Desert where he lived in a beautiful gated community on the golf course. Jim couldn't wait to get down to see him. My grandpa really loved Jim. The relationship that they formed in such a short amount of time was amazing. When my grandpa came to our wedding, he knew Jim would take care of me for the rest of his life. As we danced, he told me how proud of me he was. He loved me so much!

His wife called me the morning he died and needless to say I was hysterical. Not only because he had passed but I really wanted him to have the chance to hold Riley just one time. Riley was born a week after he died.

When Riley was 12 days old, we drove down to Palm Desert for his Celebration of life. As my dad and aunt introduced all the kids, grand kids and great grand kids, Riley was the last to be announced. Riley brought so much joy to our family on a weekend that would have been filled with only sorrow otherwise.

Jim and I will often talk about him while we lay in bed. We miss him dearly and he would be so proud of us today!