Pregnancy Blues....

One of the things my midwife talks to me about alot regarding my hyperemesis is not getting depressed. Women who have had hyperemesis tend to get depressed because you feel like all of the sudden you are a completely different person. I was thinking two months before I got pregnant I ran my first 10k and recently it feels like my body is to weak to even walk from one end of the house to the other! I have had my moments where I have cried alot, thank goodness my husband is always there to give me an extra big hug and reassure me that it will get better.

So this morning I wanted to find the blessings that are hidden within this sickness and I was surprised at what I came up with!

When I was pregnant with Riley, I had a full time job. My midwives put me on disability from 7 weeks until I delivered Riley. This time at home allowed me to really enjoy my pregnancy. DJ was at school all day so I really had a lot of soul searching time. I wrote in a journal to Riley from the day I knew I was pregnant and I still write to her. I just want her to beable to see how much I love her through my words. As I got better, I was able to go to more school functions of Dj's and even volunteer for some things he had going on.

This pregnancy since I am home so much I feel like Riley and I have really bonded these past couple of months. We spend time reading lots of books, dancing together ( when I don't feel so sick!) coloring together, I am slowly teaching her how to do things around the house. Sometimes I love to sit here and watch her play. It's the cutest thing! She has the kindest heart and I can't wait to see her grow!

Being so sick, I have had to rely on so many other people. This has caused me to work on my "control" issues. Now I am appreciative of ANYTHING my husband does, even if it's not how I wanted it.

My husband and I have gotten alot closer. I didn't think this was possible. I believe we have a pretty great relationship. I have fallen deeper in love with my husband and I just adore him. Sometimes when our spouse is continually sick we can get resentful or annoyed but my husband is willing to do whatever I need. He reminds me everyday that I am doing the most amazing thing, I am carrying our child. Sometimes I don't think I deserve such a great husband and God reminds me that I do! I cannot wait to have many more memories with him.

Lastly, I am reminded of how much God loves me. He has blessed our family so that I can stay home and not have to worry about a paycheck. I can just be home and worry about getting better. God has continiously shown us he great love for us!

To the Sweetest Little Girl I Know

From the time we knew we were pregnant with Riley we always talked about her as if she was already in our arms.

I remember the midwife telling me to reach down and pull her out. Say what, you want me to pull her out?!?! I reached down and pulled up the little girl who would change my life forever. Riley and I will always have something special between us, she made me a MOMMY. She made all my dreams come true. When I dreamt of being a mom I never thought I would have the most overwhelming sense of love for this little one. It is a feeling that I cannot describe but I feel it every time I look at her.

She is such a lover. Her new thing is to come up to Jim and I and hug and kiss us. This morning she was pulling my hair and I looked down and she was trying to reach her lips to mine so she could give me a kiss. She loves to cuddle and rub our backs. When Jim is home, she is a daddy's girl, but as soon as he walks out the door she's ALL MINE!

Riley, I cannot imagine my life without you. You have changed me forever. You brought the deepest joy to my life, you gave me meaning and hope for the future! I love you little girl.

My little Munchkin

Yesterday was such a special day for my husband and I. We finally got to have a sneek peak of what our little one looks like. He/she is about 1 1/2 inches right now and growing perfectly. I am always amazed at what you can see from an ultrasound. We could see the hands, feet and even make out that babies little toes.

This ultrasound was also to check if we had one...or two! I have to admit, I am relieved that there is just one. But twins would have been exciting too! Unless God has other plans for us, I think this will be our last pregnancy. The pregnancies are just so hard on my body that I am not sure I could do it again. But then again, we have made plans before and God has other ones for us! =)

I can't wait to meet this little one. I am beyond excited! One more week and I will be out of my first trimester and hopefully start feeling better. I just really don't want any more trips to the hospital until I am actually in LABOR!

A Great Thanksgiving!

I just realized it has been forever since I last blogged. We went down to Brea, CA for Thanksgiving because my sister in law was due that week with her first baby. To make a long story short, she was a rockstar during the labor and Grace Elizabeth was born. My sweet little niece that I can't wait to see grow up. When I found out it was a girl I had visions of Riley and her running around together with their other cousins. I am so excited for the many memories they will have together.

So I am alittle over 10 weeks preggers with baby #2 and my hyperemesis really came into full force this week. So much that yesterday I ended up in the hospital with dehydration. After a couple IV's of fluid and my liquid (gold) Zofran, I was feeling somewhat normal. But as soon as they took the fluids out I started throwing up again. I was pretty discouraged and even more discouraged when the nurse couldn't find the heart beat. But rest assured, we went to the midwife today and heart that sweet sound of our babies heart beating away. We both cried and then we cried even more when our midwife said the "T" word. She wants to check for twins! Ummm...you said what? There are a couple of reasons why she wants to check for twins, this time my nausea is more violent, I am more tired, hungry, dehydrated, etc. And also the fact that my tummy got bigger faster this time. I really think we just have one little pumpkin but it would be nice to know sooner than later! When I told my stepson DJ we MIGHT have twins he said, "What are we going to do about this?" I laughed so hard, he is such a little man.

Anyway, more news to come later. I am praying to feel better by Christmas, that's not to much to ask right?

Happy Birthday Hubby!!!!

Today is my husbands birthday! I cannot tell you how much I LOVE THIS MAN!!

My love grows for him everyday and I really mean that. Being sick and pregnant there are a lot of things that I can't do right now. Jim has been so selfless, always taking care of what I need first.

We started dating when I was 18, which seems like so long ago! We have definately gone through our ups and downs but Jim has always been solid. He loves God and has always been the strong one in our relationship. He is everything to our kids that I didn't have as a child, this means the world to me.

He is very compassionate, loving, only talks when he REALLY has something to say and slow to anger. He is good at all the things I am not, which makes us a pretty good pair.

Whenever I need something handy done around the house, he is my man! There is nothing that he is not willing to try once. I LOVE this about him!

He is the smartest person I know. He started at a teller at the bank and has worked up to a V.P. and manager of his department. I am so proud of him and even prouder to call him my husband.

I love you Jim! You are a great daddy and an even better husband! Happy Birthday!

Family of 4 will soon become 5!!!

We are so excited to announce our new little bundle will be arriving in June 2010!! It was the Saturday before Halloween about 6:30am and Riley and I were cuddling on the couch. She leaned over, rubbed my tummy and said, "Mommy, baby tummy." I have to admit, I was a little offended! But Sunday something prompted me to take the test and positive it was!

It has been hard keeping it a secret (sort of) for this long. My pregnancies are a little hard to hide. With Riley I had hyperemisis which is when you have uncontrollable nausea and vomitting in pregnancy. The best way I can describe it is having stomach flu for months! We did a lot of praying about this pregnancy that things would be different. At 6 weeks, I wasn't feeling sick at all and I thought I was in the clear but boy was I wrong!!!! Lets just say, I have gotten to know our toilet pretty well! The nausea is so intense that I take a medication that is typically given to cancer patients after chemo!

On a lighter note, I actually left the house for a Costco trip with the family today and didn't get sick! I really hate throwing up in public places so I actually will try to make it to the car and throw up in a bag! TMI I know, but I have to do what I am comfortable with you know?

Anyway, we are beyond joyed to be blessed with another little munchkin this coming summer. I can't believe that I will have three kids at 26 years old! I bought two and got one free and I wouldn't have it any other way. I cannot believe that Riley is going to be a big sister! We are going to have to work on the whole sharing thing for the next 7 months.

Have a Happy Thanksgiving! We have so much to be thankful for in the Merrill household!

*In the picture I was 29 weeks pregnant with Riley

Remembering.....

Do you have someone in your life who passed away and every time you think about them your eyes well up with tears? This is how I feel every time I think about my Grandpa. A couple of years ago he was diagnosed with his second round of prostate cancer. He had battled and conquered it over 10 years before he died. I remember calling him when we found out we were pregnant with Riley. He was so overjoyed. I could hear it in his voice. He remarried a wonderful Christian woman after my grandma died. You see, he never wanted to be alone. He rode motorcycles, traveled, golfed, etc. He was very active and lived life to the fullest, literally! He did everything big!

Jim and I would go down to visit him in Palm Desert where he lived in a beautiful gated community on the golf course. Jim couldn't wait to get down to see him. My grandpa really loved Jim. The relationship that they formed in such a short amount of time was amazing. When my grandpa came to our wedding, he knew Jim would take care of me for the rest of his life. As we danced, he told me how proud of me he was. He loved me so much!

His wife called me the morning he died and needless to say I was hysterical. Not only because he had passed but I really wanted him to have the chance to hold Riley just one time. Riley was born a week after he died.

When Riley was 12 days old, we drove down to Palm Desert for his Celebration of life. As my dad and aunt introduced all the kids, grand kids and great grand kids, Riley was the last to be announced. Riley brought so much joy to our family on a weekend that would have been filled with only sorrow otherwise.

Jim and I will often talk about him while we lay in bed. We miss him dearly and he would be so proud of us today!

My Real Life Hero

I have a real life hero, my brother. Years ago he was deployed to Iraq, I was devastated to say the least. I think he was gone around 15 months and this was the hardest time of my life. I remember driving to the Sacramento Airport with his girlfriend to pick him up. When I saw him coming down the escalator it took my breath away, literally! Ever since he has been back, we have been closer than ever. I feel like I can talk to him about a lot of things and we really appreciate eachother. Since our parents weren't around a lot when we were little, my brother was always the one to watch out for me. My brother walked me down the aisle on my wedding day, he could tell I was nervous so he told me jokes from the movie Anchorman to help loosen me up! I know it's a day late, but Happy Veterans Day to the hero in my life!

Yes Please!

Lately I have been thinking about sprucing up my shoes for Fall and I couldn't help but
fall in love with these two lovelies. Both are pretty reasonably priced. I found both of them online at http://lulus.com/

The boots are vegan leather and run about $45.00 and the other delicious ones are $29.00 What do you think?

"More Trick or Treat!"

I was somewhat unmotivated on Riley's costume this year so I opted for a flower costume that I believe my sister in law gave us. And I was so happy we used it, I thought she looked so cute! Everytime someone opened the door they went crazy over her! It was a hoot! Halloween has never been my favorite holiday but trick or treating with Riley this year was so much fun, not to mention how many times I have scavenged through her candy basket!

Pumpkin Patch Fun!

This weekend we had the pleasure of going to an awesome pumpkin patch called TJ Farms. This just so happens to be the place where I married my wonderful husband! No only does it put me in the holiday spirit but it also reminds me of that beautiful May day when I married my partner in crime. The kiddos had a blast doing the hay course, bouncy house and feeding the animals. This weekend was special for so many other reasons, more to come on that later! We never know when unexpectedly a day can be one you will never forget!

Just Because.....

As I have mentioned in earlier posts, I have been going through somewhat of a rough patch lately but I am always reminded of how blessed I am! Wednesday morning I was running around getting ready to take Riley to music class. These mornings always seem somewhat frantic to get out the door! I loaded her in the car and then went around to the drivers side and hopped in. I was surprised with this gift from my husband, the new Michael Buble CD and a starbucks giftcard! On the giftcard it said, "Just Because." He had gone the night before on his way home from soccer practice to pick it up. Later that night we were sitting on the couch and I had hinted that the CD was for sale at Starbucks, not knowing he had already picked it up! What a guy!

In our marriage bible study we are all pretty competative so one day our pastor said, "Out do eachother in love!" My husband for sure won that day! =)

Mid-week Inspiration!

I wish I could remember this every time I felt down about the cards I have been dealt. I have some huge things coming up in my life, some things I thought I would never have to face, but with God, I have the strength!!!!!

That pain is personal, and that God uses certain experiences
in our lives to mold and shape us; and that sometimes without that pain
we wouldn't be the instruments He needs
to accomplish His will in our lives.

Excuse my hubbies finger in the picture =)

Have a happy rest of your week, I will be enjoying mine in TAHOE!

My Mommy Posse

I started the Fit Mom's group June 1 and have been hooked ever since! It's a group of mommy and babies, led by two inspirational woman! Classes are held 5-6 times per week, sometimes twice per day! They are always trying to accommodate every schedule! Working out has always been really hard for me, not because I don't like it, I just never found the motivation! As I ran through the park today, I was inspired to blog about these amazing women. I have felt so blessed that they all have come into my life. We inspire eachother, we talk about poopy diapers and spit up, we laugh together, we support eachother and we push eachother to the next level and this can be so hard sometimes! These group has totally changed my life and all for the better. I have done things since starting Fit Moms that I never thought I'd be able to do. This summer I ran my first 5k (with one of the trainers, Denai) and then my first 10k by myself!

It felt so empowering to be turning towards the finish line and see Jim and Riley waiting for me. My in-laws also waited patiently at mile 5 to see me run by, I have to admit, I got teared up when I saw them!

I love how I have been able to model fitness and taking care of myself for my kids. Riley will randomly start stretching and it's a reminder to me that she sees mommy caring about herself and this is so important!

Crazy for OWLS!

Lately Riley has been absolutely positively OBSESSED with Owls. It all started one day when Jim was leaving for work and she noticed a small little owl on one of his shirts (rather than the RL horse, I guess?) anyway, ever since then she daily, sometimes more than once, asks Jim if he has an owl on his shirt. This began the Merrill Owl craze!

Since owls are kind of in right now it has been really easy to get ideas for crafting some great owl things for her. During these past rainy days I scoured the internet for different ideas. I discovered this frame with the fabric already attached at my MIL yardsale this past weekend and knew I had to have it. I think it came from my SIL antique shop. This is how her very first owl turned out! I think it goes great with the flowers hanging on the right side that I got from another antique store and spray painted it white. I think I paid a whopping $4.00 for the thing.

When she wakes up in the morning and I can hear her talking to the owl!!! She is a pretty hilarious little girl! I smell an owl themed party in the future!

I had to think of things to do inside during these rainy days so I decided to bust out the handy sewing machine. I like sewing but don't do it very often because of the "four letter words" that go through my head when my machine is acting up! I used some scrappy squares I had ruffled them up and added them to the bottom of these lavender cords. They look a bit ridiculous on Riley but if you know me, I'm over the top!!

Have a happy beautiful FALL weekend!

P.S. Sorry I haven't quite figured out how to position the pictures!

Forgiveness

A few months back I spoke at church about "Forgiveness." My past has allowed me to have a masters degree in forgiveness. Although, many times I fall short. Since I am using this blog as an online journal for myself, I realized there are parts of my life I cannot leave out. One being my relationship with my dad. Since my parents divorced in 1991 we haven't had much a relationship, even though we live in the same town. Surprisingly enough, we don't see eachother that often, usually just passing in our cars on the street. But yesterday, we came face to face at the grocery store. So many things were running through my head; should I say hi, should I act like I didn't see him? I didn't feel like the grocery store was the time or place to talk.

Yesterday, I chose to forgive him once again. I am not saying that I am some great person and I have the ability to forgive on my own. God gives me the ability to forgive. God reminds me daily that he is my one TRUE FATHER. He is the one who was there when Riley was born, He never missed a swim meet, He was with me when I didn't know how to be a parent, He picks me up off the ground, dusts my hands off and tells me to keep going.

On a lighter note, we were so blessed to attend at beautiful wedding this weekend. The bride was beautiful and the groom looked so happy when she was walking down the aisle. Happy Monday!

Baby Fever

This past weekend I had the pleasure of attending my SIL's baby shower. Now, this wasn't your ordinary shower. It was done the Merrill way, with skits, surprises and a lot of fun! My other SIL Becky was the master party planner and let me tell you, SHE'S GOOD!

I was happy to be her side kick!

It definately gave me baby fever but also reminded me of how blessed I am to have DJ and Riley. I think sometimes I take for granted what I already have at home. So, my plan is to live in the moment, appreciate what I have and really live my life to the fullest! When I am gonna start? "I'm gonna start right now!" (inside joke for family members!)

Living The Life

So......I have definately thought about starting a blog for a LONG time but didn't think I would have anyone to read it. I got to thinking, do I really care who reads it? Not really. I am thinking of this as a journal for my children, in hopes that one day they can look back and see how much we loved and cared for them!

These are my stories as a SAHM (stay at home mom) just trying to make it through the day with a smile on my face! Lets see how that works out!